The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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