I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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