Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
