I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
