I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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