just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
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you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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