I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
