I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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