I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize