You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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