Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
