I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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