The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN