Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.