I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.