By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it