I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.