Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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