I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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