It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was CRYING into my vagina
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
