I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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