it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
