Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
