Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
