so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
