I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
