You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
