is your mom at the bar?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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