That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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