there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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