Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
