She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
