On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
