apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
