The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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