3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just want to make out with him forever
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
