her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
