Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
