Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
