I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
