You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
