dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
