Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
