I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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