You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it because I queefed?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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