Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
