im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
