My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
