tell your sister to shave her snatch
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
