We named our party play list daddy issues
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
