I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
