Kiss
Puke
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
