I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
