For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
