dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
