I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
