I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
