do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
