I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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