He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm both gender and math confused
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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