My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
