and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
