Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
