How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
