My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
