yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
