You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
