Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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