put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
