sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
