U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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