so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
