found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
