even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
