i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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