Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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