dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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