yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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