Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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